Love and Care is What Children need

Many parents so to speak, the working class have a very different definition of LOVE towards their children. Many have quickly thought that to make your children feel you love them, you give them money and other material stuff like money, cars and very many other things.

Believe me not, children will always need the affection and guidance from their parents. Children who have experienced absent parents at home tend to be more suicidal, develop other lifestyles which are not part of the family, violent and even depressed because they don't have someone to share their feelings with. Parental love is the primary love. A sound man who grew up with parental love understands what love is. Because children love their parents, they come to learn love from their experience of loving parents. That is the highest joy for children. Without having parents, we never experience love.
 
Children need love as flowers need sunshine and rain. We must nurture our children, it is one of the important things we can do as parents. A parents ' love and caring determines how a child grows up and how a child will eventually parent.

Teen Suicide

Am not writing this because I have an experience of teen Suicide, but it’s a topic that parents should be able to understand and help their children to counter such feelings of suicide. It’s also an eye opener for parents to know what causes their children to commit suicide at a younger age. The tragedy of losing a child is very devastating to parents, friends, coach and also the community. The big question is always, if we could have done something then we could have avoided this death. Learning more about factors that might lead an adolescent to suicide may help prevent further tragedies. Even though it's not always preventable, it's always a good idea to be informed and take action to help a troubled teenager.

Many at times when we want to get the reasons for why an individual committed suicide, the reasons are always complex to be explained. As much as suicide is rare among children, many of this suicide, take place during adolescence. According to Centre for Disease Control, suicide is the third leading cause of death to teens in the age of 15-24. This is something to be scared of. According to many research that have been done, most children commit suicide because they have access to firearms at home. Nearly 50% of teen suicide in the United States of America are committed by firearms. Its always advisable to lock those guns and keep them away from children and teens.

Suicides among children and teens also is caused overdose of drugs, which are bought over the counter by the children themselves, sometimes they carry them from home to school and exchange in school, this has been counted as part of either attempt or complete suicide. Did you know boys are more prompt to commit suicide more than girls? It is said that girls would think twice than boys before committing suicide. Girls tend to commit suicide through overdose or cutting themselves, on the other hand, boys think on cruel ways like using lethal weapons like guns, throwing themselves from storey buildings, hanging themselves, etc.

Many at times, parents will want to know what causes this suicide. There are very many factors or characteristics that parents should always watch in their children. However we shall look at a few of those signs:

• feelings of distress, irritability, or agitation
• feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness that often accompany depression
• a previous suicide attempt
• a family history of depression or suicide
• lack of a support network, poor relationships with parents or peers, and feelings of social isolation
• dealing with bisexuality or homosexuality in an unsupportive family or community or hostile school environment
• Mental illness including depression, conduct disorders, and substance abuse.
• Environmental risks, including presence of a firearm in the home.
• Situational crises (i.e., traumatic death of a loved one, physical or sexual abuse, family violence, etc.).

Suicide among teens often occurs following a stressful life event, such as problems at school, a breakup with a boyfriend or girlfriend, the death of a loved one, a divorce, or a major family conflict. Many suicidal youth demonstrate observable behaviors that signal their suicidal thinking.  These include:

• talk about suicide or death in general
• give hints that they might not be around anymore
• talk about feeling hopeless or feeling guilty
• pull away from friends or family
• write songs, poems, or letters about death, separation, and loss
• start giving away treasured possessions to siblings or friends
• lose the desire to take part in favorite things or activities
• have trouble concentrating or thinking clearly
• experience changes in eating or sleeping habits
• engage in risk-taking behaviors
• lose interest in school or sports

Some adults feel that kids who say they are going to hurt or kill themselves are "just doing it for attention." It's important to realize that if teens are ignored when seeking attention, it may increase the chance of them harming themselves (or worse). Children cannot seek attention to visit the doctor  or psychiatrist. The more parents think it’s attention seeking, the more children and teens are committing suicide.

Keep a close eye on a teen who is depressed and withdrawn. Understanding depression in teens is very important since it can look different from commonly held beliefs about depression. For example, it may take the form of problems with friends, grades, sleep, or being cranky and irritable rather than chronic sadness or crying.

It's important to try to keep the lines of communication open and express your concern, support, and love. If your teen confides in you, show that you take those concerns seriously. A fight with a friend might not seem like a big deal to you in the larger scheme of things, but for a teen it can feel immense and consuming. It's important not to minimize or discount what your teen is going through, as this can increase his or her sense of hopelessness. If your teen doesn't feel comfortable talking with you, suggest a more neutral person, such as another relative, a pastor, a coach, a school counselor, or your child's doctor.

 

Lastly the presence of resilience factors are very important because they help to lessen the risk of the child to commit suicide. These include:

• Family support and cohesion, including good communication.
• Peer support and close social networks.
• School and community connectedness.
• Cultural or religious beliefs that discourage suicide and promote healthy living.
• Adaptive coping and problem-solving skills, including conflict-resolution.
• General life satisfaction, good self-esteem, sense of purpose.
• Easy access to effective medical and mental health resources.

Struggling in Marriage

This is what everyone whose marriage is in a hill will always say: I'm really feeling lost right now.

I've been married for 9 years (almost to the day,) to a man who I am really feeling some resentment toward.  I know that my family and friends won't really understand what I'm feeling - everyone thinks that I'm so lucky to have him, and that my complaints are petty.  This will be long, but I'll start at the beginning.

Many of this separation threats will always come up because of the conflicts this couples are going through in their marriage. Do you know, 99% of separations come from women. At times men will use threats of even divorcing their wives. The most important question we should be asking ourselves is this worthy?

Various reasons will call partners to call for a separation. For example; lack of intimacy in marriage, unfaithfulness, violence, workaholic  and many more. This is what one lady commented about what is making her to separate. “Honestly, the immense pressure I've been under in this relationship has resulted in me becoming resentful of him.  I feel like he is another child that I am caring for - having to tell him what to do, how to do it, when, etc.  I don't feel like he's a partner in this relationship, and I view him as an overgrown teenager.  I've lost all of my sex drive - the notion of being sexual with someone I feel like I'm mothering is really not enticing.  We probably have sex twice a month, and it's been this way for about 3 years.”

Many men, and women, make an unnecessary threat when one mate wants a separation to think things over. They let their fears run rampant and try to exert control in various ways, seldom with any productive impact. They threaten to get a divorce if their mate seeks a separation. However, most of the times this threats have led to negative results to marriage leading to divorce. However, a temporal separation with guidelines can end up restoring a falling marriage.

This are various ways we can restore our marriages even when in separation:

First, the separation should be done under the leadership of someone trustworthy, such as your pastor, to ensure steps are taken to make the time apart productive and not divisive. A weekly check-in time should be done with this person to make certain you are using the time as effectively as possible.

Second, it must be made clear that this is going to be a “therapeutic separation.” As such, everything about it is done for the purpose of ultimately restoring the marriage. While there may be a “time out” from one another, the “time out” is set up to strengthen weaknesses in the marriage so that you can come back together stronger than ever. Counsel should be sought, both individually and as a couple, to heal wounded areas. Books on communication and healthy conflict could be read and discussed to strengthen the relationship. Each party must take full responsibility for their failures in the marriage.

Third, during the “therapeutic separation,” there should not be alone time with members of the opposite sex, for obvious reasons. It is simply too tempting to engage in quasi, or overtly sexual behaviour, out of a need for attention and affection. Hedges of protection must be built around the marriage. It is very normal for the grass to look greener during times of intense conflict—don’t be swayed into thinking this is reality.

Finally, I believe a therapeutic separation can be a time to get alone with the Lord to determine His will in your life. It is a time to let go of your pride and ask for wisdom into the key areas needing attention. It is a time not to focus on how you have been wronged, rehearsing wounds perpetrated against you, but how you have been less than the Godly spouse you are supposed to be. Let the Lord minister to your needs and assist you in restoring your marriage, if possible. Pray together as a couple, seeking humility to be the best mate possible.

The Apostle Paul encourages us: “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” (Ephesians 4:2-3).