Parenting Young Adults!

Who is a young adult?

According to scholars like Erickson, they define young adult as a person aging from 20-40. While an adolescent is one aging from 13-19 years old. However, opinion will always vary basing on the location and environment of individuals. Whereas in countries like the U.S a 16 years old can get married, in African countries like Kenya, the maturity age for marriage and of “independence” is 18 years. So the contentious issue remains, is 16 in America and 18 in Kenya gives individuals an okay of being young adults and are they ready for that?

Parents therefore have a long way to go to prepare their children for another stage of their life (Young Adults). Studies have shown that many young adults will graduate from teenage hood (if such a term exist) to the young adult hood without any prior preparation from the parents. It’s amazing to see many young adults, do not understand very basic things like savings, financial planning (Budgeting), relationships (different gender), which if parents would have taken the initiative before, it would be much of importance to their children as they enter this stage.

So, what are the roles of parents in parenting the young adults?  

Many of us have never got the opportunity from our parents on initiating us on the next stage of our lives. As much the teenage stage should be a stage of apprenticeship, this has never been so. This is because of a very simple reason; parents do not believe that their children are growing and they can be responsible, which is a myth to be disbanded. The role change must keep up with the developmental stage of these young adults in order for the children to move forward into self-reliance. Let’s find out what are some of the roles of parents in this stage:

Trust your young adult to be capable. Though it is natural for parents, especially mothers, to worry about your young adults, it is divine to trust that your young adults are truly capable. Resist the temptation to step in and help because at this stage, “helping” often hurts. Your involvement often short-circuits your child’s development because it robs him of the opportunity to learn new life skills. It’s so hurting at times when your son or daughter feels you don’t trust him or her of their new roles or responsibility. It’s very imperative for parents to encourage and remain us coaches in their growth of their children.

Limit the frequency of contact. Yes, you will miss your child. She will miss you too. However, her primary focus is to figure out life and a lot of things about her identity. It is quite important to give your child a lot of space to work through these phases of transformation and build her ego strength. Avoid being the “FBI” to your children. Let them explore, children who are given this opportunity, will always have trust to their parents, and they will always come for advise when in need.

Don’t assume you have the right to know. It may grieve you that you are no longer the confidant in your son or daughter’s life. However, you should rejoice that your son is growing his circle of friends and your daughter is building a support network apart from you. This is all part of maturing and individuating as adults. It is very annoying when I look on some of my peers and how they are still bondaged to their parents will. Parents have to know their parents, where they are going out, their salaries…

Manage your own anxiety and loneliness. You may feel worried when you don’t hear from your child. You may feel lonely for him. You must manage your own anxiety and loneliness without unloading these emotions onto your child. Find some positive outlets for social connections so you are not focused on the emptiness of your nest. In any case one day your child has to leave you, by getting married and having their own families. It’s very important for you as a parent to stay put.

Ask the young adult for his input. If in doubt, ask your young adult what role he wants you to play. When he complains how his job sucks, ask him if he wants you to just listen or if he wants you to give advice. Relationship is a two-way street. You don’t have to guess. Just ask!

While every family is different and every family has their own method of madness a few basic rules can apply to everyone: 

·         Prepare them for working outside of the home 

• Help them develop a healthy work attitude so that employers will welcome their talents
• Teach them valuable skills such as working well with others and not arguing
•  Teach them how to clean that bathroom and kitchen their bedroom mess 

If parents will do their homework well, then we shall have a very responsible youth and adults to be. Have fun in parenting!