Courtship and Dating: What Parents need to know!

A very contentious issue that has caused problems in the family is the issue of relationships. (courting and dating). What happens when your daughter or son tells you that they are dating. At least in the African Society where I come from is not a big issue, all this thrills we see them on movies and soap opera. But is it important for parents to have the knowledge of what courtship and dating is all about? This is very important because it helps parents to take part in preparation of their children on the next stage of marriage. It’s a basic foundation of marriage.   We shall discuss Courtship and Dating in two perspective, the Christian perspective and the “worlds” perspective.

What is Courtship? (Real love theory)

Courtship is the way dating was handled in the 1800's. In this arrangement, a boy who is interested in a girl must first approach her parents, asking permission to court her. If her parents approve of the boy (often asking the girl privately if she has any interest before they give their consent), then the girl and the boy can spend time together, but only in monitored situations where a responsible adult can check up on them. It can also be seen as when a boy or a girl focuses on the well being of the other person.

There are many advantages to this arrangement in reducing temptations, and the novelty of it in our current society often makes it appealing to young men and women. It also tends to force the young man to think more seriously about himself. It is one thing to impress a young woman, but it is something different to think about impressing a parent who is protective of that young woman. Young men in these situations tend to work on themselves and their financial situation first before attempting to approach the young woman's parents so that he can say he is offering her something more than just dreams.

Courtship in courtship the focus of the boy and girl is to grow in trust and friendship which is a very key component in any relationship. Many are those who have jumped into marriage without understanding that friendship comes first before marriage.

The good thing about courtship is that it takes the boy and girl into engagement which finally to a happy marriage.

Those who enter into courtship are pretty sure they have found the one. They are not going into courtship with any thought that it is not the one. Otherwise, they would not be exclusive. It is quite a big step to become formally exclusive with someone. It is a practice run of making the formal decision to forsake all others on the day you exchange vows. In courtship, you do forsake all others, but not as a vow, but rather as a trial run. This is neither chemistry nor biology where we have experiments; this is real life a matter of life and death.

I have had cases where individuals have courted up to a point where they call each other its no longer a relationship. courtship needs to be a short period of time, and have a definitive end. It cannot be open ended. Otherwise, you risk hurting each other in a way you do not wish to, but can simply because you are not yet married. It risks looking like and acting like you are married, when you have not formally made the commitment. It risks giving in to the temptation to do that one thing reserved ONLY to married couples because you become so used to each other and, what the heck, you love each other and are practically married anyway, so why not?

Anyone can be in love. But, only a mature person who is emotionally and spiritually mature can really love.

What is Dating (Being in love)?

Dating can be simply be defined as an  fare between a boy and a girl where we don’t have rules. Or having a strong romantic feeling for someone. Am saying without rules because, in dating, the two (boy and girl) have the freedom of having intimacy. The focus is to have some form of satisfaction. The best way to describe dating is that it is a sampling process. You date in order to sample the person. You spend non-commitment time with the person in order to see if there is an all around attraction to that person enough to move on to “serious dating.”

What is so frustrating today is that dating has been changed into a game where you only sample temporarily for your own satisfaction with no commitment at all. These has caused a lot of problems in family today. For example, early pregnancies, drop outs from schools, and also diseases.

Let’s check our children.